A Cautionary Tale

December 11, 2008

Dear Tom and Ray,

Now that the weather has turned wintry again, I thought I should share this cautionary tale with you in the hopes that it might spare your listeners a similar plight.

One cold morning, last February, I got in my 2002 Chevy Silverado truck to drive from my home in Wendell, MA, to Northampton. The drive takes the better part of an hour and along the way I got thirsty. Sitting in my cup holder was a seltzer bottle, which I had previously filled with well water from home. I had lost the cap to it a few days before, so it was convenient to grab the bottle and take a swig. The water was cold and I could hear what I assumed was ice sloshing in the bottle. A few miles down the road, I took another swig of that good water (and it was good).

On the third swig, I felt something in my mouth. I retrieved it — small and brown. "What the ...? Oh, my God." I pulled off the road and looked at the bottle. I screamed for a minute and then opened the door and spat repeatedly, because floating in that bottle was a very soggy, and very dead, mouse. I screamed a little more, and drove to a nearby convenience store. By then, I was just hopping around and muttering loudly to myself. "What have I done? What the double-hockey-sticks did I do to myself?"

I held the bottle at arms length and flung it in the dumpster (may Mother Earth forgive me for not recycling that plastic bottle). Then I called my ever-sympathetic wife so she could listen to me scream, but by now I was also laughing hysterically.

I alternately gagged and wept with laughter for the better part of the next week. The incident seems to have caused me no physical harm. And, since laughter is such good medicine, I think I may have added several years to my life. Just the same, I am now careful to keep my water bottles carefully capped, and I recommend that you and your listeners do the same.

Don't drink and drive.

Chris Wings