More Allegedly True Statements
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
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"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
--Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996
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"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
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"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
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Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic deficiencies: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." ____________________________________________________________
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison For three years, not Princeton." ____________________________________________________________
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." ____________________________________________________________
Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs we went to." ____________________________________________________________
Shaquille O'Neal on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro." ____________________________________________________________
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." ____________________________________________________________
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his 1992 team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." ____________________________________________________________
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano in 1982 why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." ____________________________________________________________
Tommy Lasorda, Dodgers manager, when asked in 1981 what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." ____________________________________________________________
Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked in 1966 if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition to play football?" ____________________________________________________________
Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts, after the 1981 team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time." ____________________________________________________________
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans in 1991 that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." ____________________________________________________________
Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints general manager, when asked after a 1986 loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." ____________________________________________________________
Alan Kulwicki, stock-car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." ____________________________________________________________
Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." ____________________________________________________________
Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers: "He said: 'Gosh, Dad, that mean's we're not going to any more bowl games.'" ____________________________________________________________
LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children: "They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets." ____________________________________________________________
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" ____________________________________________________________
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." ____________________________________________________________
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." ____________________________________________________________
