Actual Entries from Qantas Maintenance Logs

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

From the "squawk sheets":

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem #1: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution #1: #2 Propeller seepage normal.
Problem #2: #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Signed off: IT DOES NOW.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: Volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

RJ Bendesky